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The Grunch Who Stole Fitness

Every Peep Down in Peep-ville liked Fitness a lot…
But the Grunch, Who lived just North of Peep-ville, Did NOT!
The Grunch hated Fitness! The whole Fitness life!
Now, please don’t ask why. No one quite knows why.
It could be that his head wasn’t screwed on quite right.
It could be, perhaps, that his pants were too tight.

But I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been that his clothes were two sizes too small.
But, Whatever the reason, His tight shirts or his jeans,
He stood there with cookies and pie, taunting the Peeps,
Staring down from his cave with a sour, Grunchy frown
At the warm lighted gym windows, below in their town.

For he knew every Peep down in Peep-ville below
Was busy now, working out and losing weight, you know.
“And they’re getting results!” he snarled with a sneer.
“Their Fitness goal is so close! It’s practically here!”

Then he growled, with his Grunch fingers nervously drumming,
“I MUST find a way to keep Fitness from spreading!”
“Why for fifty-three years I’ve put up with it now!
I MUST stop Fitness from growing! …But HOW?”

Then he got an idea! An awful idea!
THE GRUNCH GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!
“I know just what to do!” The Grunch laughed, in his wit.
And he made a quick plan and workout outfit.
And he chuckled, and clucked, “What a great Grunchy trick!
“Everyone will think I can get them fit quick”

“All I need is a gimmick…” So the Grunch made a plan.
He would launch informercials, and start his new scam
BUT all the Peeps already heard of this Grunchy new trap
’cause Fitness Bloggers were blogging to their Peeps in a snap

Before the Grunch could even make his very first sell
The Peeps warned Peepville of all his new tricks very well
They all knew what to look for, they were wise to his plan
So the Grunch couldn’t sell his Quick Fix to one Peep the land.

And what happened then…? Well…in Peep-ville they say
That the Grunch’s fat waist, grew THREE SIZES that day!
And in that minute, his size didn’t feel quite so right,
He whizzed with his load through the bright morning light
He turned in his thingumabobs and joined the Peeps for a sweat
And, in time, dropped 5 sizes – a year he’d never forget.

Original Dr. Suess story rewritten (and photos altered) by Bonnie Pfiester. 2011

Dedicated to my FitFluential & FitStudio Peeps!!

RANT: Fit Mags Needs to Shape Up!

I think it’s time magazines set some New Year’s Resolutions of their own! It’s time they  shape up their content and lose the useless baggage they’ve all be carrying for so long!! 

I was looking for a magazine at the corner pharmacy while in New York City with the FitFluential team, and was overwhelmed by all the magazine headlines – more like annoyed. “Blast Fat Fast, in only 10 Minutes” must sell magazines, but it should be an insult to our intelligence.

I guess “Blast Fat Realistically” wouldn’t sell subscriptions, or “Sculpt a New Physique in 30 Minutes a Day” (instead of 10 minutes a day) may seem too extreme – but come on people?! When will we quit falling for gimmick tricks that will let you down faster than your worst boyfriend?

When has ANYthing great come out of a little investment? How often have you reaped a big reward for little work? I’m sick of seeing these watered down workouts and false claims that prey on the hopeless. For ONCE, would someone man up and actually put a workout boldly on their cover that (dare I say) looks a little challenging and takes a little more time than 10 minutes a day?

What do you want? Do you want truth or do you want the media to continue delivering half truths and gimmick workouts that rarely actually ‘work out’? Would you actually buy a magazine that featured factual information you may not WANT to hear but NEED to hear? Or are we all going to keep buying this crap and supporting this type of media?

iPhone Pics: Actual headlines on various covers this month:  Read the rest of this entry

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